I'm Going Home
by AlabamaBound
Summary: Tony leaves NCIS right after his mission to Mexico. He's been gone for eight years and finally comes back. What does the future hold for him? Can old hurts be healed? Can he learn to love again? Read more to find out..
1. Chapter 1

**_I'm staring out into the night,_****_  
Trying to hide the pain.  
I'm going to the place where love  
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.  
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain._**

The letter to Director Vance arrived six weeks after Tony left for his mission in Mexico. It was postmarked the week prior.

**_To Whom It May Concern, _**

**_I've decided to leave NCIS. I am truly thankful for everything I've learned and the experiences that I've had. I know that the decision is rather sudden, but I've decided to follow my heart and have fallen in love with someone from my past. Please accept my resignation effective today._**

**_Sincerely, _**

**_Former Special Agent Tony DiNozzo_**

**_P.S. You should consider making McGee the lead agent. I taught him everything he knows and he taught me a lot that I didn't know._**

**_Fast forward eight years in the future._**

The scene opens on an extremely well kept house. There isn't anything out of place. We see toys in the toy box and folded towels sitting on the couch. On the couch is the body of a dead woman. We can hear the sound of a baby crying somewhere in the distance and the doorbell is ringing.

Tony DiNozzo arrives home about twenty minutes later. He was called by his neighbor. It was her day for the carpool and she always made sure that their two oldest children were safely inside before driving to the next house. She grew concerned when his wife hadn't answered the door. So, she called Tony who rushed home to see why his wife wasn't answering the door.

He walked inside and immediately knew that something was seriously wrong. Their youngest child was screaming upstairs. Tony called out to his wife, "Jeanne? Honey! Where are you?"

He was greeted with dead silence. He walked into the family room and saw her lying on the couch. He immediately knew that she wasn't merely sleeping. He felt all of the blood drain from his body. He couldn't move for at least ten seconds. He was brought out of his daze by the ringing of his cell phone. He saw that it was his neighbor, "Hey Sarah. No. Can you keep them at your house for awhile? Something's happened to Jeanne. I don't know."

He hung up the phone and called nine-one-one. The police arrived shortly after and took her body to the medical examiner's office.

They had moved to a small town in southern Louisiana and thought that they were safe there. He worked for the sheriff's department and they had a happy, if not quiet life together, at least until today. Today, all of his happily ever afters were gone forever, although, if he was really honest with himself, he hadn't been happy for some time. Ever since their last baby had been born, there had been turmoil in the DiNozzo household.

Jeanne had been depressed lately. She hadn't been happy staying home with their children. She'd want to resume her career, but Tony didn't think that they should be in daycare. It was a constant battle in their household.

The ME determined that she committed suicide.

**_Six Months Later_**

Tony looked out the window of his new house. He hoped that they would be happy here and that they could put their past behind them. Tony had put feelers out and he got a job working for Virginia sheriff's office. He was working in homicide. He'd reconnected with McGee and Abby had come by to see him.

She'd been thrilled to meet his children. She'd laughed and said, "I can't believe you have three little DiNozzo's!"

Tony had smiled at her, "Me either. I never thought I wanted children, but when Sara was born, it seemed like I was a natural. I thought that Jeanne liked being a parent too, but I guess you never know someone. Even after eight years of marriage."

Abby got a sad look on her face, "She must have been incredibly sad Tony. I couldn't imagine my life without my kids."

Tony smiled, "I guess so, but I just wish she would've told me before they were born. It's been tough on Sara and Stephen. They don't understand where their mommy is. I've tried explaining it to them, but heaven is a foreign concept when you're five. Then there's Samantha, she was barely three months old when she lost her mom. She won't ever remember her. I just don't understand any of this Abs. How could she…"

Abby hugged him tightly and whispered, "We're here for you Tony. Me and Timmy. If you need anything, just call."

Tony nodded and hugged her back. She left soon afterwards and Tony went to sit down on the couch. His old friends had been stopping by all day. He was tired and was getting ready to go upstairs when the doorbell rang again. He sighed and went to answer the door. He opened it and said, "I'm really tired and… Ziva… What are you doing here?"

**_Should I continue? I'm not sure... Reviews are love..._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you for all the reviews and favorite stories. It is greatly appreciated. This is the first story that I'm writing without a beta so it might be a bit off. I do appreciate all the reviews. Good or bad. They are definitely love.**_

**_the next few chapters will deal with Tony's thoughts and memories of the past and what happened to make Tony leave and his and Jeanne's relationship. _**

**_Well I'm going home,_****_  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me_**.

Ziva smiled despite the less than friendly reception that she received from Tony. She walked past him and into the house, "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I know how much you loved Jeanne. I…"

Tony sighed, "I loved her once, but obviously she didn't love me and the children enough to work through everything that she was feeling inside."

Tony knew that he owed her answers. They'd been working towards something special when he left. He'd promised her that he would be there when she became a United States citizen. That was just another promise that he was unable to keep. He'd let her down so many times in the past that it just seemed like another failure on his part. So, when he saw Jeanne in Mexico, something inside him seemed to snap. He didn't think twice about inviting her to have dinner with him. When he thought back on it, he realized that maybe things had moved too quickly. Maybe, just maybe, he should have slowed down and remembered what happened the last time. However, he let his heart rule every good sense that he had and just threw caution to the wind.

They were married exactly one week after they reunited. It seemed like heaven at first. So much so that he hadn't even thought twice about sending a letter of resignation to the Director.

Their life had been nearly perfect at least he'd thought that they had the perfect marriage. He guessed he was wrong. Maybe, just maybe this was some sort of payback for what he did to her when they first met. His only regret was that his children would have to be without a mother because of their parents back decisions.

Ziva looked at him and a thousand thoughts went through her mind. She had spent countless hours wondering why he had just simply walked away from everything. At one time, she thought that they had something special, but she was left alone to wonder why he never came back.

After the first year, she accepted that he never loved her. Two years after he left, she met someone and got married only to divorce a mere six month later. She always wondered what would have happened had Tony come back to her from Mexico. Would they have married and lived happily ever after? Would she be a mother by now? She could not say what the future would have held for her. She smiled and watched a thousand different emotions go across his face. She finally asked, "Tim and Abby tell me that the children are beautiful."

Tony smiled, "They are, but I might be biased. At least a little bit."

Ziva smiled and walked over to the mantle where some pictures were sitting. She saw a little girl and boy of about six and an infant of about nine months. She noticed how much the little boy looked like Tony, "He has your eyes and your smile."

"He's my little clone. At least that's what Jeanne used to say. He was her biggest challenge."

Ziva smiled, "If you need anything well, the team is here for you. Just remember that Tony."

He nodded and walked her to the door. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her. So many regrets that he had. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness for leaving like he did. Most of all, he wanted his best friend back. Because despite everything, she had always been the one person he could count on to always have his back. He'd been blinded by love when he left. It caused him to throw away everything that he thought he wanted. He wouldn't change it for the world, because that would mean that he wouldn't have his children, but he wished that he'd chosen a better mother for them.

Tony said none of that and simply nodded, "Thank you Ziva."

She nodded and before she thought about it much further, she hugged him quickly and started for the door. She got about half way there before a blood curdling scream was heard from upstairs. Ziva followed Tony upstairs and into his youngest daughter's room. She was lying in the bed and was covered from head to toe with the remains of her dinner. Tony smiled as he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.

Ziva noticed how different this Tony was from the Tony that she knew eight years ago. She watched as he carefully cleaned her and put a new diaper on her. Then, he looked at Ziva and asked, "I hate to ask, but would you mind holding her until I can go get some baby Tylenol?"

Ziva held out her hands and took the baby in her arms. She smiled softly at the little girl. Tony hurried back into the room and gave his daughter the medicine. He noticed that Ziva didn't seem to be in any hurry to give her back. Samantha seemed to be content in her arms. She laid her head on Ziva's shoulder and sighed heavily and whimpered a few times and promptly fell back asleep.

Tony had the crib sheets changed and went to take his daughter. Tony smiled at Ziva, "I'll take her now if…"

Ziva silenced him with a look and carried her over to the bed and laid the baby down. She covered her with the blanket and looked down at her for a few seconds. She thought briefly that this could have been their baby. She had no idea where that thought came from, because she wasn't in love with Tony anymore. Or was she? She was suddenly overcome with the need to get out of the house. The memories and feelings that she was having were threatening to overtake her and swallow her whole. She looked at Tony and repeated, "If you need anything Tony. Call me."

Tony nodded and watched as she walked out the door. He wondered and wished that he'd made a thousand different choices over the past eight years. Starting with his choice of woman that was the mother of his children. He knew that no amount of wishing would change anything, but maybe, just maybe, he and Ziva could be friends again.

So, he nodded and said, "I promise I'll call if I need anything. Goodbye Zi."

He bent down and kissed her softly on the cheek. She smiled and walked away and down the driveway to her car.

Tony was happy for the first time in months. He was back with people that loved him. Somehow that seemed like enough for him right now. Maybe he could put the past behind him and start the process of healing….

**_Reviews are love..._**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Okay so I decided that I'm going to continue. I was just having major doubts about the story. However, the good reviews have far outweighed the bad. the later chapters will reveal more about Ziva's feelings towards Tony. Can she forgive him? Should she? I'm hoping to bring Ziva's true feelings out. The characters might still be OOC, but it's intentional and completely at the writer's discretion. **_


	4. Chapter 4

**____****Reviews are love and appreciated...**

The morning came bright and sunny. Tony and the kids were outside playing in the backyard when he heard someone approaching. He turned and saw Abby, Tim and Gibbs walking into the backyard. Abby and Tim had their four children. They were close in age to Tony's children. They had two boys and two girls. They were five, four, three and six months. Tony smiled as his friends approached.

Gibbs was the first to talk, "Welcome back DiNozzo."

"Hi boss."

"Not your boss anymore DiNozzo."

Tony laughed, "Sorry, old habit."

Tony wondered what was going on. He found out soon enough when Abby brought a picnic basket filled with food. She smiled and told him, "We guessed that you wouldn't feel like cooking today, so we brought lunch. Barbecue ribs and all the fixings."

"You really didn't have to do that."

Abby laughed, "Of course we had to! You're home Tony! That's just like the best thing ever!"

Tony smiled and watched as the kids interacted with each other. Abby and Tim went over to them and started passing out little plastic Frisbees.

Tony sat down on one of the lawn chairs. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He wondered if this is what normal felt like. He hadn't felt quite like this since he left eight years ago. He wondered how his friends could welcome him home with open arms. If it had been him, he wouldn't have talked to him as easily. He'd taken it for granted that Gibbs hadn't quite talked with him. At least, not yet.

Gibbs sat down next to him and said, "Welcome home."

"Thanks. It feels good to be home."

"Does it Tony? Do you know how much you leaving hurt them? How much it hurt Ziva?"

Tony looked at him sarcastically and said, "Nothing hurts Ziva. She's able to compartmentalize."

Gibbs shook his head, "She loved you. She loved you and thought that you loved her. When you left without so much as a goodbye, she barely smiled and she never laughed. Then, we got the damn wedding announcement! Of everyone in the world that you could marry, you had to choose the very person that you swore you hated! When you left everything fell apart. I nearly lost my team. You don't deserve this, any of this."

Tony knew that he deserved that and more. However, his pride wouldn't let him admit that he'd been wrong. Wrong about Jeanne, wrong about coming back here and wrong about this being his home, "I shouldn't have some back. I'm seeing now that this was a mistake. I know that I was stupid and I wasn't thinking when I married her, but my heart overruled my brain. When I met her again in Mexico, something happened. I didn't think about NCIS, the team or Ziva…"

Gibbs looked at him harshly and said, "No, of course you didn't. You obviously weren't thinking. That was your first problem."

"There are more?"

"More than you can imagine. What you did didn't just hurt them DiNozzo. Just think about that! Maybe you should have thought about that before you came back here and disrupted everyone's lives once again."

Tony had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. He looked at where Abby and Tim were playing with the children, "They look like they've forgiven me."

Gibbs shook his head, "No, they are putting their feelings about you aside, for the good of your children. They, unlike you are innocent."

"I'll try to make things right."

"Sometimes you can't make things right. Did you know that Ziva didn't want to come here last night? Abby talked her into it. Did you also know that Ziva married an ass that she didn't really love because she was trying to forget you? Do you realize how your leaving your _family_ effected everyone you now claim to love? Ziva was supposed to come here today, but she faked being sick so that she wouldn't have to face you again?"

Tony looked at him, "She came over here last night. She seemed okay with me being back."

"She was faking it DiNozzo! Abby cornered her and made her promise to come by and act normal! She shouldn't have had to do that! She should have been willing to come by because she cared for you! Not because someone forced her to. Maybe you should think about someone other than yourself for a change! You're not the most important person here Tony! The only ones that are, are those three children. You need to grow up DiNozzo. You have a lot of things that you need to make right! It's about time that you start doing that."

Tony shook his head. He didn't know any of that. He hadn't really cared. It was then that he realized that maybe he'd made a mistake come back here. That maybe, sometimes, you can't go home again. He wondered if he could ever find a way to make it right with his friends. He wondered if they could work their way towards being friends again. He wondered, not for the first time, if he'd made a mistake marrying Jeanne. He wondered what his life would be like if he had come back from Mexico. He sighed sadly and got up and went back into his house. Feeling lower that every before. He looked out the window of his home at his children playing happily. It was the first time since Jeanne died that he'd seen Sara and Stephen smile.

He went back outside and said, "I've got something that I need to do. Something that I need to make right or at least try to make right!"

He walked over to Abby and asked, "Would you mind keeping an eye on them for me Abs? There's something that I need to do. Something important."

Abby smiled at him. She had a feeling that she knew what he was going to do. She nodded and said, "Go on Tony and don't come back until you make her listen."

"Her?"

Abby nodded, "Ziva and don't let her tell you that everything's okay. You didn't realize this Tony or maybe you did, but you're a man so you probably didn't…"

"Abs!"

"Okay! Getting on with it. She loved you Tony."

Tony was speechless. He hadn't known that she'd been in love with him. He did know that they had been working towards something when he'd left. He hadn't realized that she'd been in love with him. He told her, "I didn't know that."

Abby looked at him, "I love you Tony, but you're such a man Tony. She… loved….you. And you broke her heart."

"I broke her heart?"

Abby looked at him, "Go Tony! Make it right. Or at least try to make it right."

Tony nodded and hurried out to his car. He hoped that Ziva would open the door or at least talk to him. Although, he knew that the chances were very unlikely. He guessed that he would just have to take his chances….


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N I know that Ziva was a bit out of character during the last chapter. Hopefully this will make up for it. Reviews are appreciated and loved. Remember, I own nothing except the children in this story...**_

Ziva David stared out the window of her apartment. She could not believe that Tony was back. She had been waiting for this day for over eight years. She had always wondered what she would say, what she would do. She had never been able to come up with an answer. How would she ever be able to explain the secret that she had been keeping for eight years. She had sworn the rest of the team to secrecy once she realized that he was back to stay. However, she knew that it was only a matter of time before he found out. When he did, she knew that he would be hurt and even angry. She just hoped that he could forgive her.

She was drawn out of her thoughts by a sharp knocking on the door. She rushed to answer it. She was surprised to see Tony standing on the other side. She whispered softly, "Tony. What are you doing here?"

Tony smiled that smile that she had always loved and said, "Came to get you. It't not a party without everyone there."

"I told Gibbs that I am sick."

"Are you really sick Zee-vah or are you simply avoiding me?"

She laughed a bit more harshly than was probably necessary, "Avoiding you? Hardly. I am sick Tony."

He laughed and asked, "Can I come in? At least for a few minutes."

Before she could answer, he pushed his way inside. She watched as he went and sat down on the couch. It wasn't long before he noticed the pictures on her counter. He looked over at her and then back to the pictures. One picture stood out amongst the others. It was a picture of a little girl. She had her father's eyes and smile. He looked at Ziva and whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did not know before you left. Then, I tried to find you and came to dead ends.. After awhile, I knew that you did not wish to be found."

"How old is she?"

"She will be eight in December."

Tony felt as if the wind had been knocked from his chest. He had another daughter. A daughter he hadn't known existed until a few minutes ago. He looked at her and whispered, "What is her name?"

"Gracie Marie."

For the second time in as many minutes, he felt the air leave his body. He didn't know where he go the strength to speak as he whispered, "You named her Gracie?"

Ziva nodded, "It is a fitting name."

"It was my mother's name."

Ziva nodded, "I know. I had not known her name until I asked Gibbs. When he told me, I knew that there was no other name for her."

He whispered, "Where is she?"

"She is with her friends. Sleepover."

He had a million questions for her, but instead said, "I wish I had known Zi... I would have made so many other choices."

Ziva shook her head sadly. She did not believe that Tony meant those words. If he had not left all those years ago, he would not have his children. She knew that despite everything that had happened to him, his children meant the world to him, "I do no believe you Tony. What about your children?"

"She is one of my children Ziva. I want to be a part of her life. I want her to know her brother and sisters. How could you have kept her from me for all these years?"

Ziva was silent. She could not respond. Finally, she whispered, "Maybe I did not want to share her with you. I did try to find you Tony."

Tony whispered harshly, "I'm sure you tried real hard Ziva."

"You wanted nothing to do with NCIS! We were your family Tony! And what did you do? You tossed us aside for that bitch that wanted nothing more than to make your life a living hell! She tried to frame you for murder! But you still went back to her! Like a dog with it's tail between it's legs!"

Tony looked at her and whispered, "That's not fair and you know it."

Ziva shook her head and said, "No! What's not fair is that you threw away what we had. I loved you Tony! I would have done anything for you, but it was not enough. Nothing I could have done would have stopped you. You just threw everything away and for what? A few years of heartache and pain!"

"You don't know anything about me Zee-vah! You don't know what love is! You never could open up your heart to anyone else. At least anyone that didn't fit your idea of perfect!"

Ziva reacted by slapping his cheek and whispering, "Get out Tony. I never want to see you again."

"Well Zee-vah, that will be a little difficult since we have a daughter together."

"It is not so difficult Tony! You have ignored her for almost eight years. We do not need you in our lives. I have managed just fine without you Tony! Now get out of my house!"

"This isn't over Ziva."

Ziva shook her head sadly, "It was over a long time ago Tony. You just never realized what you had in me."

Ziva watched as he turned and left her apartment. Once he left, she walked into her bedroom and laid down on her bed. She let the tears roll silently down her cheek. She knew that she would always love him, but she could never trust him not to leave again. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall silently on her pillow.

Meanwhile, Tony drove around aimlessly. He had never been quite this angry. He couldn't get it out of his mind that he had another daughter. He knew that a lot of what Ziva had said was the truth. He hadn't wanted to face it before this. He had gotten lost in the moment and never quite thought about what it would do to her. He had been in love with her. So madly in love that he'd thought about asking her to marry him. He knew that he wasn't good enough for her though. She needed someone that could give her everything she could ever ask for. Everything she ever wanted. So, when he saw Jeanne again, he'd thrown away all his common sense and went after her.

He slammed his hand on the steering wheel. If he had known that she was pregnant he would have some back and done the right thing. However, she hadn't given him that chance. He wondered if she really had tried to find him or if that was just an easy way out. He guessed that he would never really know. He just knew that he wanted to have a relationship with his daughter. Even if it meant that he would have to be civil with Ziva. He could do civil, but he had been upset at the angry words and had let his emotions get the better of him.

He got back to his house and sat behind the wheel of his car. He needed to cool down before he went to rejoin his family. He had finally cooled down a bit and got out of the car. The kids saw him and ran to give him a hug. He smiled and for the moment at least, everything felt better again.

At least until he saw his friends. Although he knew that it hadn't been their place to tell them about Gracie. He really had no one to blame but himself. He just wished that someone would tell him how on earth he could fix this mess that he'd created out of his life. He wondered when life had got so complicated and wished for a simple solution. He had a funny feeling that there was no simple solution to this mess. He hoped that he and Ziva could talk like adults and work something out. Something that was best for everyone involved….


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N I know that Ziva was a bit out of character during the last chapter. Hopefully this will make up for it. Reviews are appreciated and loved. Remember, I own nothing except the children in this story...**_

**__****Please know, I don't hate Tony or Ziva. They are two of my favorite characters. I don't blame either one of them more than the other. My muse is being stubborn with writing the story this way. It's important that the healing process start and this chapter starts that process. **

**__****I will be on vacation for two weeks so this is the last update for awhile. I will continue it when I return home. Thanks for reading...**

Tony found Gibbs under one of the shade trees in his backyard. They both stared straight ahead and Tony asked, "Why didn't you tell me about Gracie before I left to go see Ziva?"

Gibbs shrugged and said, "Wasn't my story to tell."

"You could have warned me about it."

"I could have, but again, it wasn't my place to tell you. Ziva needed to be the one to tell you about her. Not me, not Abby and not McGee."

Tony sighed heavily, "I wish I had known about her. It would have changed so many things."

Gibbs turned to look at his former Special Agent, "Would it? Would you have left Jeanne and came back here?"

"I don't know. I would like to think that I would have done the right thing."

"I guess we will never know."

Tony knew that he was right. He also knew that he'd made some bad choices in the past. He whispered, "I can't regret every part of the past eight years. I wouldn't have my children. I can't imagine my life without them in it."

"Children have a way of changing you. Usually it's for the better."

Tony nodded and asked, "What's she like?"

Gibbs didn't have to ask who he was talking about. He knew that he meant Gracie. He smiled and said, "She's a lot like you. She has your smile. She loves to play practical jokes on McGee. Ziva is constantly having to go to parent teacher conferences because she's constantly getting into trouble at school."

Tony laughed and said, "She sounds like Sara. I can't tell you how many times Jeanne and I found because of her antics."

Gibbs smiled and said, "She also has the biggest heart around. She's constantly bringing home stray puppies and kittens."

"I think she might be better off without me in her life."

Gibbs shook his head, "She needs a father Tony. Ziva did try to look for you, but it was like you disappeared."

Tony nodded, "We moved around a lot that first year. Jeanne was constantly afraid that people were following her. So, we moved five times that first year. We finally found a place we felt safe and that we could call home."

Gibbs nodded, "I'm not sure why, but it's like she just gave up. Like all the fight in her was gone. Abby would know better. They are really good friends now.

Abby came over and smiled at Tony, "She didn't want you to come home just because she was having a baby. So, she decided to have the baby on her own. I tried to convince her to keep trying to find you, but you know how stubborn she is."

Tony laughed and said, "I do."

"You guys have forgiven me."

"Because we love you Tony. Besides, we didn't have the same kind of relationship that you had with Ziva. Something happened to her after you left. She closed down for the longest time. Give her time Tony. You both have a lot of issues to resolve. It can't happen overnight."

Tony smiled, "When did you get so smart?"

Abby laughed, "It happened when I married McGee. Although, I do like to think that I've always been pretty smart!"

Tony laughed as he walked into the house and picked up the phone. He was going to do everything he could to start earning Ziva's trust back. He smiled as he made the first of many phone calls.

Ziva woke to the sound of someone knocking on her door. She sighed and got up to answer it. She opened the door and was surprised to see a deliveryman standing there with a huge bouquet of roses. There were roses of every color in it.

"Can you sign for these please?"

Wordlessly, she signed on the clip board and took the flowers from him. She shut the door and carried them over to her kitchen table. She looked for and soon found a card. She opened it and couldn't help but smile when she read,

Ninja,

"I'm sorry for being an ass. I want a chance to talk to you and to get to know more about our daughter."

Signed,

Your little hairy butt.

It was a simple gesture, but somehow, it seemed to melt Ziva's heart. She held it close to her and walked over to the phone. She picked it up and made her first gesture in the start of the healing process. She called Tony to invite him to dinner the following night. He was right, there were many things that they needed to talk about.

For the first time in years, she was able to smile when she thought of the future. She smiled when Tony answered, "You are right. We do need to talk."

It was the first step in their healing...


End file.
